Think that confidence is simply something you were born with and can’t be helped if you’re a little shy? We’re is going to talk you through how confidence is a skill, not just something you have or don’t. Like any skill, the more you try and work on it, the better it will become.
The number one skill you need if you want to change anything in your life is to change your mindset.
To improve your own self confidence you need to understand the power of encouraging and accepting yourself. Everyone has core emotional needs which need to be met. These include to be seen, to be heard, to be accepted and loved for the unique individual you are and the contribution you make in life.
When you don’t feel like you are seen you will feel like you are invisible. When you do not feel heard you will often feel misunderstood and when you don’t feel like you’re accepted you will feel unloved or like you do not belong. When these emotional needs are not being met, we can start becoming more critical of ourselves and thinking that there may be something wrong with ourselves. In turn this can affect our confidence and self-esteem.
So how can we feel more confident? Sometimes we need to work on our own skills, other times we need to work on the negative thoughts that take you down. If it is a negative thought, it may be something like…
‘I am not good enough’
‘ I am not smart enough’
‘ I always get things wrong’
‘I am too big, too ugly, too fat’
Often this thought starts to become your default thinking and this will stop you from trying something new or taking new action in your life.
If this is the case, you need to break your thinking pattern by telling yourself ‘I am not thinking about that’ and then replace the negative thought with something new that is positive and works on building your own confidence and self-esteem.
You can also work on building your confidence. Yes, this is possible! Watch our video that explains this.
You may think that you are either born confident or not, but that’s not true. Confidence is simply the willingness to try. It is not about how loud or talkative you are at school or with your friends, it is simply the desire to try.
Think of a skill you have developed – perhaps its skateboarding, playing sports or riding a bike. Confidence is a skill that can be learnt by anyone. And it begins with taking action.
When you are a confident person, you have enough belief in yourself and your capabilities that you are willing to try. Whether you succeed or not – you are willing to try.
Most of the people we admire or look up to – that is what they are doing. They show up, they put in the work, and they will pick themselves up if at first, they don’t succeed.
So how can you build confidence? Well, you do it by taking action and trying.
Let’s say you want to try something new – maybe it’s making new friends, speaking up in class, going to a party. Two things can happen – you may succeed, or you may struggle but you still survive it. Well, when it does not go as planned you learn something and then when you learn something what are you doing – you are building skills and when you’re building skills at something you are getting better. By repeating this over and over again you don’t get so anxious and gradually you build the confidence.
But what if you feel too scared to try? Remember that those feelings in your body are actually the same as excitement. That might sound odd but simply changing your mindset can help you overcome that anxiety and allow you to try something new. This has been demonstrated by Harvard Business School.
When you catch yourself feeling nervous or doubting. Don’t focus on those feelings. Instead take a breath, count backwards 5,4,3,2,1 and take action – just do it anyway. Tell yourself you feel excited about trying something new. When you count backwards like this you kick start part of your brain called the prefrontal cortex which is part of the brain that you need for thinking and acting with courage and for changing.
So, remember to feel more confident about the things that you want to do it all begins with you being willing to try and take action.
So, remember confidence is a skill – so the next time you doubt yourself or start to worry just use these steps, take a breath, count backwards 5,4,3,2,1, find the excitement and do it anyway. Whatever happens you will learn, you will build more skills and with it confidence.